There’s a guy I know – sexy, well-endowed and eager to please. And I can always tell when he’s looking for my G-spot.
If we’re in missionary with him kneeling upright and my legs in a V-position, he’ll grab my ankles like ski poles and sort of steer, kind of like he’s running moguls. He’ll pull my legs a little wider sometimes, or wrap his arms around my shins and close them tight then sling them towards his right shoulder. He shifts his weight slightly to thrust at a different angle and I know he’s trying to hit the target.
Or, if I’m on all-fours, he’ll use his hand to reach in there and start fishing around for it, manipulating me with the famous “come hither” hooked finger maneuver, so that I feel this delicious pressure and the sensation of being full, like I have to go to pee. But I never get off with just this particular technique.
In the midst of all the breathing, sweating, muscles stretching and straining, pushing and pulling, position-changing, communicating, maintaining eye contact and/or managing a long, deep kiss – in the midst of all that, I’m not sure what spots he’s hitting.
And the real truth is – I could give a shit if he ever finds my G-spot. In fact, I’ll go one step further and say if I only have an orgasm 5 percent of the time, that’s okie-dokie with me.
Never having been terribly orgasmic to begin with, the only surefire way to make me cum is to apply vigorous, direct manual, mechanical or oral stimulation to my clitoris for anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes while I fantasize about gangbangs and sex with strangers in public restrooms/dark alleys. For the guys out there that have worked so diligently to provide me with a mind-blowing orgasm, just know those fantasy scenarios do include you. Most of the time.
And with this particular lover, chasing an orgasm is more of a psychological game we play. I know he really is trying to make sure I’m satisfied, but he is also getting a big boost to his big ego by transforming me into a wailing, sex-crazy she-devil with the stroke of his mighty penis. I show him my response by spitting, clawing and vocalizing like an inflamed alley cat while he enjoys the show.
I’m not faking anything; I’m just not focused on attaining any goal except enjoying his company. And he’s sex-savvy enough to understand – he doesn’t take it personally if our sessions don’t always end in a paralyzing, earth-shaking explosion.
He’s just as apt to jump off the bed and go get a glass of water, if he’s thirsty. And when he comes back, he might just want to watch Discovery Channel. Or I might get hungry and suggest we go get something to eat. It doesn’t even bother him if he doesn’t have an orgasm. Any length of time we spend just touching, teasing and playing is some of the best sex I’ve ever had, with or without a “happy ending.” It hits the spot, figuratively if not literally, and that’s all that matters.
So, for me, I think G-spots and orgasms are a bit overemphasized, in terms of what kind of importance is placed on them as the ultimate means and measure of a women’s pleasure.
Every month for as long as I can remember, the cover of Cosmo has featured an article on how to ramp up your orgasm/his orgasm and assorted other information to potentially improve your sex life – sandwiched in between pages and pages of advertising for products geared towards making you feel attractive enough to get this wonderful sex life that you need to be improving upon.
Google search the term “G-spot” and you’ll get 2,000,000 references in .21 seconds. In fact, if you search “G-spot” on Amazon.com, you’ll come up with 1,502 books mentioning the term; some of those are technical texts with obscure references to other types of G-spots, but the great majority of them are sexually-oriented literature falling into the areas of health, body and mind, or medical.
Wow, that’s whole lot of writing on a bean-sized area of spongy tissue allegedly located one-third to one-half of the way up your vagina, on the anterior wall near the urethra, in relation to the Skene’s glands, otherwise known as the “female prostate.” I mean, how much conjecture or rhetoric can there be on the topic? Apparently, a lot of writers have successfully managed to sell feature stories and get a book deals out of the search for the Holy G-spot.
This is a quote from Wikipedia’s posting on the G-spot (not a written-in-stone reference, but good enough for government work and blogs): “There is a great deal of dispute about the reality of the G-spot. It is mostly referenced in books on sexuality aimed at a popular audience.”
I asked Dr. Carol Queen, the founder/director of San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture, her opinion on whether the importance of trendy techniques overshadows other aspects of satisfying sex, like good communication or being comfortable with your body.
“Here's the real problem,” Queen said. “The pop media presents these things as though they will work equally well for everyone who tried them. Remember Kim Cattrall's book with the techniques drawn in red, with directional arrows and such? That's a roadmap for getting Kim off, not me or you or her other readers. It is so misleading to present these ideas as though they will work for everyone.”
The sex manual Queen is referring to is “Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm,” (Warner Books, 2002) co-authored by actress Cattrall and her real-life, jazz musician husband Mark Levinson.
In Publisher’s Weekly, Cattrall is quoted from the book, saying, “’Some people... assume that for me to play a sexually open character, like Samantha Jones on HBO's Sex and the City, I must have had fabulous sex most of my life. Well, the truth is that until three years ago most of my sexual experiences were miserable."
I guess playing a wanton strumpet on cable TV does qualify you as some kind of expert in between the sheets. But I’m not sure if I want to take a whole lot of sex advice from a woman who, admittedly, was having “miserable” sex up until she was 43-years old. (Interesting also, to note, that Cattrall and Levinson were divorced in 2004.)
“I actually think there is too little basic down-to-earth information given in many pop culture sources," Queen explained further, "with a huge emphasis on making orgasms better... for women who often are not reliably orgasmic at all! Since almost none of us have been able to count on really strong sex educations, this trend is problematic.
“Especially if the women receiving the G-spot (or whatever) technique info assume that they can go right to that level without truly understanding and mastering (mistressing?) basic body knowledge, arousal, and all the things that must be in place for their sexuality to function without problems. Skipping the basics and then recommending elements that aren't going to be major parts of every woman's erotic response seems wrongheaded to me.”
Likewise, noted sex expert Tristan Taormino sees the situation as two ends of a double-headed issue.
Famous for a regular sex column in the Village Voice, her anal workshops, books and instructional videos, Tristan has spoken to thousands of people all over the world about sexuality in every variation.
“On the one hand,” she said, “I feel like that whenever something sort of reaches popular consciousness, it’s a good thing.
“The G-spot has obviously been around for a while; it’s in our bodies. But the notion that now, everyone knows about it – people are asking about it and are curious about it, I think, is a good thing. The more information people have about their bodies, how they work, about pleasure and sexuality is a great thing.”
“But then on the other side, something happens when something becomes sort of hot and trendy," Taormino said. "When I lecture colleges and universities, I want to say to people, ‘Some women have tried G-spot stimulation and it’s just not for them, and that’s okay.’ That doesn’t mean you’re broken or that you’re not having as good a sex as your roommate is… People have this idea that it should be this certain way and if it doesn’t happen this certain way, like, oh my God, like I’m not normal or whatever...
“I think I’ve had really amazing and great and very satisfying sex, without having an orgasm. For me, in my twenties, you could blow on me and I could have an orgasm. I got to my 30s and it became a lot more difficult for me to cum. And so, sometimes, I get to a point where I’m headed in that direction and then I completely veer off-course.”
“But, I’m aware of it," she said. "I know my body really well, and I’m like, ‘You now what? It’s not gonna happen… But, I’m totally down with what we’re doing – it’s fun, let’s keep on doing it.’”
If we’re in missionary with him kneeling upright and my legs in a V-position, he’ll grab my ankles like ski poles and sort of steer, kind of like he’s running moguls. He’ll pull my legs a little wider sometimes, or wrap his arms around my shins and close them tight then sling them towards his right shoulder. He shifts his weight slightly to thrust at a different angle and I know he’s trying to hit the target.
Or, if I’m on all-fours, he’ll use his hand to reach in there and start fishing around for it, manipulating me with the famous “come hither” hooked finger maneuver, so that I feel this delicious pressure and the sensation of being full, like I have to go to pee. But I never get off with just this particular technique.
In the midst of all the breathing, sweating, muscles stretching and straining, pushing and pulling, position-changing, communicating, maintaining eye contact and/or managing a long, deep kiss – in the midst of all that, I’m not sure what spots he’s hitting.
And the real truth is – I could give a shit if he ever finds my G-spot. In fact, I’ll go one step further and say if I only have an orgasm 5 percent of the time, that’s okie-dokie with me.
Never having been terribly orgasmic to begin with, the only surefire way to make me cum is to apply vigorous, direct manual, mechanical or oral stimulation to my clitoris for anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes while I fantasize about gangbangs and sex with strangers in public restrooms/dark alleys. For the guys out there that have worked so diligently to provide me with a mind-blowing orgasm, just know those fantasy scenarios do include you. Most of the time.
And with this particular lover, chasing an orgasm is more of a psychological game we play. I know he really is trying to make sure I’m satisfied, but he is also getting a big boost to his big ego by transforming me into a wailing, sex-crazy she-devil with the stroke of his mighty penis. I show him my response by spitting, clawing and vocalizing like an inflamed alley cat while he enjoys the show.
I’m not faking anything; I’m just not focused on attaining any goal except enjoying his company. And he’s sex-savvy enough to understand – he doesn’t take it personally if our sessions don’t always end in a paralyzing, earth-shaking explosion.
He’s just as apt to jump off the bed and go get a glass of water, if he’s thirsty. And when he comes back, he might just want to watch Discovery Channel. Or I might get hungry and suggest we go get something to eat. It doesn’t even bother him if he doesn’t have an orgasm. Any length of time we spend just touching, teasing and playing is some of the best sex I’ve ever had, with or without a “happy ending.” It hits the spot, figuratively if not literally, and that’s all that matters.
So, for me, I think G-spots and orgasms are a bit overemphasized, in terms of what kind of importance is placed on them as the ultimate means and measure of a women’s pleasure.
Every month for as long as I can remember, the cover of Cosmo has featured an article on how to ramp up your orgasm/his orgasm and assorted other information to potentially improve your sex life – sandwiched in between pages and pages of advertising for products geared towards making you feel attractive enough to get this wonderful sex life that you need to be improving upon.
Google search the term “G-spot” and you’ll get 2,000,000 references in .21 seconds. In fact, if you search “G-spot” on Amazon.com, you’ll come up with 1,502 books mentioning the term; some of those are technical texts with obscure references to other types of G-spots, but the great majority of them are sexually-oriented literature falling into the areas of health, body and mind, or medical.
Wow, that’s whole lot of writing on a bean-sized area of spongy tissue allegedly located one-third to one-half of the way up your vagina, on the anterior wall near the urethra, in relation to the Skene’s glands, otherwise known as the “female prostate.” I mean, how much conjecture or rhetoric can there be on the topic? Apparently, a lot of writers have successfully managed to sell feature stories and get a book deals out of the search for the Holy G-spot.
This is a quote from Wikipedia’s posting on the G-spot (not a written-in-stone reference, but good enough for government work and blogs): “There is a great deal of dispute about the reality of the G-spot. It is mostly referenced in books on sexuality aimed at a popular audience.”
I asked Dr. Carol Queen, the founder/director of San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture, her opinion on whether the importance of trendy techniques overshadows other aspects of satisfying sex, like good communication or being comfortable with your body.
“Here's the real problem,” Queen said. “The pop media presents these things as though they will work equally well for everyone who tried them. Remember Kim Cattrall's book with the techniques drawn in red, with directional arrows and such? That's a roadmap for getting Kim off, not me or you or her other readers. It is so misleading to present these ideas as though they will work for everyone.”
The sex manual Queen is referring to is “Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm,” (Warner Books, 2002) co-authored by actress Cattrall and her real-life, jazz musician husband Mark Levinson.
In Publisher’s Weekly, Cattrall is quoted from the book, saying, “’Some people... assume that for me to play a sexually open character, like Samantha Jones on HBO's Sex and the City, I must have had fabulous sex most of my life. Well, the truth is that until three years ago most of my sexual experiences were miserable."
I guess playing a wanton strumpet on cable TV does qualify you as some kind of expert in between the sheets. But I’m not sure if I want to take a whole lot of sex advice from a woman who, admittedly, was having “miserable” sex up until she was 43-years old. (Interesting also, to note, that Cattrall and Levinson were divorced in 2004.)
“I actually think there is too little basic down-to-earth information given in many pop culture sources," Queen explained further, "with a huge emphasis on making orgasms better... for women who often are not reliably orgasmic at all! Since almost none of us have been able to count on really strong sex educations, this trend is problematic.
“Especially if the women receiving the G-spot (or whatever) technique info assume that they can go right to that level without truly understanding and mastering (mistressing?) basic body knowledge, arousal, and all the things that must be in place for their sexuality to function without problems. Skipping the basics and then recommending elements that aren't going to be major parts of every woman's erotic response seems wrongheaded to me.”
Likewise, noted sex expert Tristan Taormino sees the situation as two ends of a double-headed issue.
Famous for a regular sex column in the Village Voice, her anal workshops, books and instructional videos, Tristan has spoken to thousands of people all over the world about sexuality in every variation.
“On the one hand,” she said, “I feel like that whenever something sort of reaches popular consciousness, it’s a good thing.
“The G-spot has obviously been around for a while; it’s in our bodies. But the notion that now, everyone knows about it – people are asking about it and are curious about it, I think, is a good thing. The more information people have about their bodies, how they work, about pleasure and sexuality is a great thing.”
“But then on the other side, something happens when something becomes sort of hot and trendy," Taormino said. "When I lecture colleges and universities, I want to say to people, ‘Some women have tried G-spot stimulation and it’s just not for them, and that’s okay.’ That doesn’t mean you’re broken or that you’re not having as good a sex as your roommate is… People have this idea that it should be this certain way and if it doesn’t happen this certain way, like, oh my God, like I’m not normal or whatever...
“I think I’ve had really amazing and great and very satisfying sex, without having an orgasm. For me, in my twenties, you could blow on me and I could have an orgasm. I got to my 30s and it became a lot more difficult for me to cum. And so, sometimes, I get to a point where I’m headed in that direction and then I completely veer off-course.”
“But, I’m aware of it," she said. "I know my body really well, and I’m like, ‘You now what? It’s not gonna happen… But, I’m totally down with what we’re doing – it’s fun, let’s keep on doing it.’”
Both Tristan and Dr. Queen point out the obvious; every woman is different. So, finding out what makes you tick should never be defined by trying to duplicate the same result - that goes for everything from wearing a size four dress to shooting the orgasmic moon or searching for some sexual Holy Grail.
Don't get me wrong; I enjoy getting off just as much as the next person.
But I’m also really glad I never let the lack of an orgasm stop me from having a really good time. As far as I’m concerned, if my pleasure-loving partner wants to Mapquest my G-spot using his dick as a compass, then I’m going to look at that trip like a scavenger hunt. It’s not necessarily what you end up with – it’s what you find along the way.
Artwork used is entitled "Target, 1974," by Jasper Johns
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